Therapuetic Philosophy

How I See Intimate Relationships

A spouse or life partner should help you be the best version of yourself, and your partner should feel that being with you brings out their best as well.

A marriage or long-term relationship should be a safe place to turn to, rather than a source of tension in your life. Many of the couples I work with feel they have lost the sense of safety they felt early on, or find that they too often bring out some of the worst qualities in each other. Through our work together, they rediscover their capacities to offer one another emotional support and understanding.

Love Languages Aren’t For Everyone

Sometimes couples come to therapy having read about “love languages” as a way of understanding how to meet one another’s needs. For some people this idea provides a helpful way of expressing caring, but for some couples the differences in their love languages are a new source of disappointment when expectations aren’t met. For couples who think in terms of love languages, I help both members create more opportunities for each partner to express and receive loving feelings.

Managing Conflict

At the other end of the spectrum are the languages of conflict, and different styles in managing conflict are often a basis for relationship problems. One of the greatest benefits of couples therapy is learning how to talk together about difficult feelings and topics. Especially for couples in which one partner feels pulled to avoid uncomfortable confrontations, while the other feels pressure to work through problems directly, gaining skills to accommodate both partners’ feelings so that conflict becomes manageable is one of the greatest gains couples make in therapy.