Working with Me

My Approach

I welcome new couples into my office with a direct question about what brings them to therapy, rather than an immediate focus on history-taking. I find that it’s best to get straight to work on a concrete problem that can be helped, even as I am beginning to establish a deeper understanding of the underlying dynamics that we will ultimately address.

Many couples I see feel some immediate relief from airing their feelings in a safe environment and learning some new strategies for better communication. Throughout the first few sessions, we build on new communication tools to more thoroughly address painful feelings such as hurt, resentment or betrayal, while we also foster activities specifically designed to reignite closeness and connection. I feel this balance is critical – counseling that only focuses on emphasizing good feelings leaves unresolved problems to fester, while counseling that only focuses on the hardest conflicts can create more hurt without leading to a renewed sense of partnership.

My approach is client-centered; I do not hold to a rigid structure for appointments but address whatever is most pressing or best follows prior sessions. I tend to offer specific suggestions and wording whenever possible, so couples feel there are tangible take-aways, especially from early sessions. Once a couple has established trust in feeling they are working together in the therapy, we may have more sessions in which feelings are processed, understood, and validated without as many “homework” suggestions. In my experience this progression – from concrete conflicts and strategies to broader emotional themes and mutual understanding – serves most couples well.

Some Specifics on Cadence & Starting Out

I meet with most couples every two or three weeks, although for some couples weekly appointments or longer stretches between appointments fits better.

I always schedule the first session with both members of a couple, and then typically have one session with each partner separately, followed by a fourth session in which we meet together again. The separate sessions are not fully confidential -- I don't keep secrets for anyone within the marriage -- but they are an opportunity for me to get to know each one of you a bit more.

Finding a Good Fit

It’s important to find a therapist whose style is a good fit for both members of a couple. I am happy to arrange a 15-minute appointment so you can get a feel for whether I might be a good fit for you. I typically schedule these brief sessions as phone or virtual appointments.